How Practicing Radical Empathy Can Strengthen Your Business Relationships

She sent me a text: So sorry, I’m running 5 minutes late.

I wrote back: No problem. 

Stacy (name changed to protect the tardy) is a client of mine based in the U.K. Together, we’re figuring out the best way to launch her product in a new APAC market in a way that attracts her ideal target client—right from the start.

She’s been working long hours, and we’ve had more than one Slack conversation where it was morning for me in Hong Kong and the middle of the night for her. Suffice it to say, I’ve seen firsthand just how much of herself she’s putting into this initiative. 

When she finally showed up to our Zoom meeting 10 minutes later, her hair was wet. She admitted that she’d run out to an impromptu CrossFit workout and then showered afterwards. That’s why she was late. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, before letting out a deep sigh. “I just needed a reset.”

Flexing our empathy muscles

I understood. This past year has taken its toll on all of us, testing our resilience and revealing our vulnerabilities in ways we never could have anticipated. One day, we were captaining our own lives. The next, circumstances beyond our control were captaining us. In fact, a Thrive Global study conducted in April found: 80% of American adults felt “helpless and that things are out of their control.” The only word it seemed anyone could agree on to describe the moment was “uncertain.”

Naturally, that sense of fragility carried over into our work and business lives. The protections afforded by a buttoned-up office life were suddenly no longer available. Kitchen tables became offices. Dogs and children wandered into meetings. We caught glimpses into the personal lives of our associates that showed them in a whole new light—and not always the most flattering. 

But whether the backdrop was a tried-and-true “I’m a professional” bookshelf or the kind of unruly clutter fallout that wouldn’t be out of place in an episode of Hoarders, one thing is certain: Our vulnerabilities were on display in a way they’d never been before.

So we learned to flex our empathy muscles. We thought twice before dragging a prospect through another one-sided PowerPoint. We accommodated erratic schedules and technological mishaps with grace and understanding. We sent kinder emails. We acted more like friends or neighbors. We went the extra mile. Even in the most high stakes business conversations, many formalities simply faded away. It was just people talking to people.

From formality to humanity

All of this, in the long run, is good for business. When formalities fall by the wayside, we connect more easily.  We communicate more effectively. And when we transcend the forced niceties and stale etiquette, we’re able to achieve a mutual trust—that holy grail of commerce—faster. 

I can remember a time in my early career when I was held hostage by those formalities without even realizing it. I was trained in a school of thought that says, “You never say no to a client” and “The client is always right.” When the inevitable bumps in the road came along, I was always the one saying, “I’m sorry” or “I’m wrong.” I was polite, but I wasn’t honest.  I followed the sales script like a parrot—servicing deals that never should have closed, and maintaining business relationships that never should have made it past the first phone call. It just didn’t feel right.

Now, when I myself am a prospect on sales calls, I never buy into companies that address me with a structured, rigid approach. Even if the information is useful, or the product could help me, something stops me from moving forward. I can’t feel a connection. On the other hand, when I deal with companies that simply talk to me like I’m a human—asking genuine questions about my business, giving me real life examples, truly getting to know me and my needs—I can’t wait to sign on the dotted line. 

Empathy as strategy

As the founder of BDA, I help growing tech startups expand into Asia. These lessons around empathy, understanding, and humanity are foundational to helping my clients succeed in new markets. It’s not about imposing your business on this new territory. It’s about being respectful of the local market. For businesses that have traditionally operated in a more cold and mechanical manner, this mindset can be a struggle to adopt—but their success depends on it.

Obviously the pandemic has changed how we live and work, probably forever. There have been so many challenges, heartbreaks, and tragedies along the way. I hope we continue to carry this gentler, more empathetic approach in our day to day conversations, and especially in our business dealings. More listening. More honesty. More humanity. And every now and then when you show up to a meeting 10 minutes late with a freshly showered, dripping wet head of hair, it doesn’t turn the other person off—but only makes them want to work with you more.